The 2015 Struggle - Diary entry #1

Dear Diary, I don't really know who does or doesn't really follow my blog, so I know there's a lot of people out there who don't really know me. I have been a model for 10 years now, and 2015 has honestly been the hardest year ever (as far as work and building my brand presence). As a model people see me at events, in shows and on TV locally and think I am making tons of money for everything that I do and am a part of... This is the opposite of true!!! I really make No money as a Model and I have been struggling for years. It really sucks to think about sometimes, because I really love being part of the fashion industry, but in recent years I have thought about just walking away from everything. I have worked several "Real jobs" in the past couple of years, but I know that I'm not where I really want to be.

Some people think that Modeling for me is a Hobby.... and it Lowey makes me Angry, because I often feel like people haven't taken me seriously. I haven't truly been able to give my all in to what I really love simply because I cannot afford it. I know people see being a Model on TV and think "Wow that life must be Amazing!!!", but have no clue how much work it really takes to get there. It is a long hard road and a lot of girls (and guys) never make it. I don't want to be that girl that never makes it, but it gets harder every year to keep going. Finding agency representation has been the hardest thing for me, and seeing so many other people around me get signed and get paid jobs doesn't make it any easier. I am excited for all of my friends, but then it makes me sad, because I know that can be me too!!!

I have been working on myself a lot this year, and being more confident is something that I continue to grow into. I know people who know me are thinking "Girl what do you Mean??" It's hard to be confident sometimes, when you are looking for "Other" people to believe in you... but, if you don't believe in yourself first you will get No Where!! So, for myself I have felt like I have had to start over and believe in ME, even when I think that things aren't going the way that I want them to. I have really lacked confidence in myself lately, and I have had to take a step back and think about things before being able to move forward.

I know that I am an amazing Model, and I have worked hard to get to where I am now. I do not want to give up on my dream and I know that someone out there wants to sign me (I just have to find them first I guess). I don't have a "Team" and it's hard to do everything on my own. I have been so determined to make this career work for me, and I am not going to let anyone make me feel bad about what my dreams are (easier said then done, but I can do it). I know that there are other young models that look up to me, and I don't even feel that great about my own career. It's hard when people think that you have this Glamorous life, but have no clue how you really feel.

I guess I just want to people to be more understanding and have an idea of where I am coming from. I am working hard everyday to better myself, and trying to figure how to balance work, being a blogger and a model is hard. I know that some things in my life have suffered because I am trying to take on everything at one time, and I have simply just been tired.

Having a blog has seriously been the best thing ever for me personally, and I hope that I can be an inspiration in some way to someone out there in the world (where ever you are). Don't give up on your dreams!!! I haven't given up on mine, and I don't plan on giving up anytime soon (breaks are ok though)!!! Things don't always go as planned, and I have learned that it is ok.

(I might start doing more diary entries... I like this)

Don't be afraid to Be You!!! :)